Panic At The Wedding!
by Atlantic Jewel
Summary: Sasuke and Sakura are getting married, but everything that COULD go wrong, DOES…features Dearly Beloved by Faith Hill…


NARUTO

NARUTO

Panic At The Wedding!

_Sasuke and Sakura are getting married, but everything that COULD go wrong, DOES…features Dearly Beloved by Faith Hill…_

Sasuke was standing at the alter, looking both cool and hell nervous in a black suit. He was getting married. He wasn't sure just then HOW Sakura had managed to achieve this, but at least SHE was gonna be eternally happy.

Maybe…

The vicar, who would marry of Uchiha and Haruno, was a totally beautiful, strong, smart, funny and drop-dead-gorgeous babe from Suna called Emma. She was standing at the front of the alter as everyone trickled in.

"Is _that_ your best man?" She asked Sasuke.

"You mean Naruto? Umm, like, yeah…" He muttered.

Emma pointed silently.

Sasuke looked.

"NARUTO!!" Screamed about ten people. "GET _DOWN_ FROM THAT CHANDELLIER!!"

"Look at me!" Naruto yelled. "I'm Tarzan! Aaaaa-AUURGH!!" He screamed, as he fell off, and landing on Sakura's maid of honor, Ino, whom was standing about two feet away from the cake.

Everyone gasped.

_Okay._ Chouji thought. _Just keep looking shocked and move slowly towards the cake…_

Emma sighed, and began to sing:

_Good morning, dearly beloved  
We are gathered here today  
To watch two people we know make a big mistake_

"SHE'S HERE!!" Someone, probably Temari, screamed from the back of the church, and people suddenly began moving, running to their seats or their spots. Chouji ran to the cake. Ino detached herself from the best man and ran after him.

_They'll stand up at the alter  
And solemnly swear i do  
They'll be together forever  
'til they find somebody new_

"Where _is_ she?" Sasuke grumbled.

"_See_?" Kankurou, the ring-bearer, said smugly.

"She'll _be_ here!" Sasuke muttered, glaring at Kankurou.

"Says _who_?" Kiba said cheekily.

Sasuke glared at him too. "Says _me_! She _has_ to be here…"

"She's coming!" Announced Sakura's Mum, as Naruto led her awkwardly down the aisle. "I'm glad she's not marrying _you_, Uzumaki!" Mrs. Haruno snapped.

Somehow or other, maybe Naruto _tripped_ her but Mrs. Haruno went flying into a pot of flowers, which tipped over and knocked over a ceremonial candelabra, which set fire to the flowers, the plastic pot (?), and Akamaru's fur.

"OH NO!" Kiba yelled, as Akamaru howled and ran across the church.

"EEK!" Ino screamed, as Akamaru bowled into her and a bowl of punch went all over her pink dress. "OH NO! _RED_ PUNCH!"

"Ha ha ha ha ha!!" Naruto laughed at her.

"You shouldn't laugh at me, you'll get jinxed!" Ino snapped, blushing.

"No way, I'm the _luckiest_ fox around!" Naruto smirked, just as a bunch of people on horseback galloped in, and a pack of blood-thirsty blood-hounds charged at Naruto.

"GYAAA!!" He screamed like a girl, and dived for cover under a nearby table.

The hounds charged in after him, and all anyone could hear was: "GET _OFF_ ME YOU MUTTS! _DON'T_ BITE MY ARM! GET AWAY FROM ME! I'M NOT A FOX! I'M _NOT_ LYING! IIINNNOOO!! HEEELP MEEE!!"

"Ha ha ha ha ha!!" Now Ino laughed at Naruto.

Mr. Haruno put his head in his hands and groaned so loudly Emma wondered if he was hurt.

"So," Kankurou said to a pale Sasuke. "_Why _are you and Saki getting' hitched?"

Emma rolled her eyes.

_Her daddy's in the front row  
Muttering oh no here we go again  
They had a couple dates  
Now she's three months late  
And it's twenty buck a plate i spent, oh:  
_

Sasuke gasped, as Hinata and Tenten came in as bridesmaids.

"That's _not_ true!" Sasuke protested.

"Sasuke?" A voice said from behind him.

He groaned too. "_What_ is it, Dr. Aburame?"

"Haruno's test results came back," Shino said. "It's a 100 positive!"

"Oooh!" Kankurou teased. "Uchiha told a _lie_!"

"I lied…by omission…" Sasuke lied again.

"But I'm HUNGRY!!" Chouji whined, as Ino dragged him away from the cake.

"Chouji!" Neji snapped. "Remember, this _isn't_ a picnic! It's a _wedding_!"

"I'd eat _that_ if it was covered in icing sugar!" Chouji informed him. "Or even desiccated coconut!"

Rock Lee suddenly ran in, waving a bottle of Sake.

"Uh oh." Temari muttered as he _streaked_ past her, if you know what I mean.

Emma shook her head.

_Good morning, dearly beloved  
I'd like to welcome ya'll  
To see the side-effects of sex and alcohol_

"LEE!!" Tenten gasped. "HIDE YOUR _SHAME_!!"

"Hey Lee," Neji laughed at him. "I can see your _'thing_'!"

"Shut up Hyuga!" Lee snapped, sobering up as Tenten doused him with water.

"Daddy?" Hinata's little sister tugged on her Father's sleeve. "What _is_ it?"

Her Dad put his hands over her eyes.

_Please bow your heads and join me  
In a prayer for these two  
Who'll be together forever  
'til they find somebody new_

"Lee, go put some clothes on!" Ino snapped.

"What a _drag_…" Shikamaru muttered. "I should've stayed at home…"

"TEMARI!!" Sasuke screamed. "YOU SAID SAKI WAS _HERE_!!"

"SORRY!!" She yelled back. "IT WAS MY _BROTHER_!!" She suddenly grinned nervously and sheepishly as Garaa and his sand were _right_ in her face. "_Joking_…" She said quickly.

"Garaa," Temari suddenly said. "You have _lipgloss_ on your face…"

"IS IT _CHERRY BLOSSOM_ SCENTED!!" Sasuke screamed from the front of the church, where Kiba was examining a scary statue of Jesus and Mary.

"Evil baby…" He muttered.

"_You_ take that _back_!" Emma snapped.

"Sorry…"

"Yes!" Temari answered Sasuke.

Garaa glared at her. "_Traitor_!"

Kankurou suddenly dropped the ring he was holding, and Sasuke, to give himself something to do, went chasing it down the aisle.

He grabbed it, and found himself staring up at Kin and Ino.

"_Ladies_…" He said, smirking.

He'd been looking partially up their dresses!

Kin rolled her eyes and stomped away, but Ino just blushed and struck up a conversation with Sasuke.

Emma sighed.

_The bride is a flirt and the groom is worse  
As he's putting the ring on her  
He's checking out the bridesmaids  
Thinking that he might take  
The maid of honor's honor, oh:_

"Hey, Em?" Kankurou was asking her suddenly. "Can we..?" He whispered something in her ear.

She scowled at him, but then patiently explained to him why she _couldn't_ say in The Lord's Prayer: _Give us this day, our daily _hamburger_…_

"_Where_ is my daughter!?" Mrs. Haruno suddenly screamed, as Lee came back inside with a Hawaiian shirt and boardies.

"Lee _can't_ wear _that_!" Tenten yelled.

"I can where what I _like_, Tenten!" Lee shouted.

Emma suddenly looked up, and saw a pink head past the sea of other heads.

"Sakura!" She called.

"I'm coming!" The bride added. "Zaku, Dosu _move_ it!" She ordered.

Sasuke hurried up to the front of the church, as Sakura began her walk.

"Ooh…" Everyone said.

"Ahh…" Some other people said.

"_Goooo Saki_!" The rent-a-crowd said.

Emma tsked.

_Welcome, dearly beloved  
We are here this afternoon  
To throw rice as these two  
Drive down the road to ruin_

_Just_ as Sakura came to stand beside Sasuke, the hounds chased Naruto out from underneath the table.

Sakura screamed as they barreled into her, kept on going, and then hit the cake table.

"_NOOOO!!_" Chouji howled, as the cake fell in slow-motion.

"There it goes…" Kin smirked.

_With cans tied to the bumper  
And a dragging muffler too  
They'll be together forever  
Until they find somebody new  
_

Sakura and Naruto were standing there in a mess of cake, hounds and flowers.

"MY WEDDING IS _RUINED_!!" She screamed.

Naruto put an arm around her.

"N…Na…Naruto!!" Sasuke spluttered.

"_You_ should talk!" The blonde snapped. "You've got your arm around _Ino_!"

Sakura gasped. "S…Sa…Sasuke!!"

"Lord have mercy on us all…" Emma muttered, before turning to the crowd.

_So raise your glass and join me  
Here's to the bride and groom  
They'll be together forever  
'til they find somebody new…_


End file.
